Willpower Not Working? What You Can Do Instead to Meet Your Goals

The other evening I was chatting with a good friend who’d been struggling to lose weight but with little success. She made a comment that really got me thinking. She said something that I didn’t really agree with. She told me that I was lucky to have been born with such great willpower. She surrendered to the fact that she quite simply was born with a willpower deficit. I almost resented the notion that she thought that I had more willpower than her when in fact I knew the opposite was actually true.
 
On the surface I could see how one might assume that I had great willpower. It may appear that I find it relatively easy to make healthy choices. I’ve been able to maintain my goal weight for quite some time. But dig a little deeper and you might discover that my willpower isn’t quite as strong as it appears. It’s an illusion, really. Somewhere along the way I learned that willpower is a finite resource and I don’t really have much of it. So I knew I had to find ways around relying on it.
 
All our lives we’re told that, “where there’s a will there’s a way”. Having willpower is a highly desirable form of self-control. We’re taught that those who have more of it will be successful and those with less will often fail. And then, if/when we fail, it’s only because we weren’t trying hard enough. It’s our own fault that somehow we are deficient. This feeling of failure leads to guilt. Consequently our self-efficacy, or self- confidence, takes a direct hit. If you’re anything like me, feelings of guilt and failure are not the best motivators!
 
Temptations all around
We’re constantly bombarded by temptations all around us. We’re surrounded by exaggerated versions of what we naturally desire. Our reactions to these temptations are normal. Our brains go haywire because they are designed to do so. When we stumble upon high calorie foods our brains give us a direct order to splurge. We don’t crave the taste of the food as much as we crave that amazing dopamine surge that comes with it. We’re simply submitting to a survival mechanism that has served us well during times of scarcity.
 
Problems arise when our brains order us to splurge even during times of abundance. What results are limitless opportunities for gluttony. Our brains have essentially been hijacked. Only once we understand and accept this can we begin to find ways to resume control.
 
We’re all lazy
It’s not just high calorie foods that tempt us. It’s also the temptation to be lazy. We’re all naturally quite lazy. Again, being “lazy” is a survival mechanism. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. In times of food scarcity, it makes sense to take advantage of any and every opportunity to conserve energy. Quite predictably, we’ve also found ways to embrace our natural inclination towards laziness. Cars, remote controls, comfortable couches, appliances and all our other many modern-day conveniences serve to promote our natural laziness. The added time and comfort that these technologies provide us with have been nothing short of miraculous. But when we combine our inclination towards laziness with our inclination towards gluttony we find ourselves with a multitude of health problems.
 
Willpower is a finite resource
Relying on willpower can often mean going against our very nature.  And this is not easy. There are biological mechanisms at work that are sometimes way beyond our control.  Saying “NO” to ourselves over and over again and denying our own nature is exhausting and draining. It’s also unsustainable. Sacrifice is tiring.
 
So what then, is the solution? How do we work around this in a way that we can still enjoy modern day comforts and conveniences without harming our health in the process? The best thing you can do is to stop relying on sheer willpower to resist temptations. If you put a slice of pumpkin pecan cheesecake in front of me (or if it’s anywhere in my general vicinity), I can assure you that it will be devoured in the blink of an eye. Give me the option to lounge comfortably in my recliner all day or run a 5K, I’ll give you one guess to figure out which I’d choose.
 
The solution
The trick lies in creating an optimal environment, with solid, reliable systems in place that set you up for success. There are several things that I do consistently to minimize the chances that I’ll need to rely on willpower.
 
1.) I go grocery shopping on a full stomach. We’ve probably all heard this one before but it really does work. I end up spending about $50 more (and on questionable items…) when I am shopping under the influence of hunger. I also go with a pre-made shopping list and I never purchase items that are not on this list.
 
2.) I remind myself often of WHY I set my goals. During a moment of potential “weakness”, I quickly reflect on why it is important to me to choose the healthy option. Sometimes that quick check-in with myself is enough to pass up a temptation.
 
3.) I remove temptations in my environment. I don’t keep junk food in my home (at least not in large quantities which would allow for a binge fest!). This makes it far easier to make the right choices in the moment. When the only ingredients available are healthy, it’s much easier to stay on track.
 
4.) I make it difficult to make bad choices. I keep my credit cards far away from my laptop and I never save payment methods for food sites. I am so lazy that just going to the other room to get my credit card to order delivery requires more effort than it’s worth.  The craving quickly subsides and I settle for homemade food instead.
 
5.) I allow myself indulgences and treats as rewards for meeting small goals. If I complete a hard workout, I don’t feel guilty about enjoying a nice brunch with friends. My grandmother always said that extreme deprivation would kill you before the temptation in question will. So be disciplined but don’t be too strict with yourself either.
 
6.) I use extrinsic motivation as much as I use intrinsic motivation. When I set a goal, I tell others about it, which puts more pressure on myself to really commit myself. I may set a goal with a friend so we become accountability partners. If I invest in workout gear, I feel guilty if I don’t use it. If I register for a 5K, my money invested in it makes me feel too guilty to back out. For me, extrinsic motivation is critical for times when my internal stores inevitably run low.
 
7.) I embrace intrinsic motivation. I remind myself of how amazing I feel after I have a good workout. How light I feel after a healthy meal. How accomplished I feel when I meet a goal that matters to me. Sometimes I don’t care about what the world thinks and extrinsic motivation falls to the wayside. This is when my intrinsic motivation really kicks in and I remember the power of self-motivation.
 
 
8.) I’m not overly ambitious. You’re asking for trouble when you force yourself to split your energy amongst too many goals simultaneously. Focus on making only one small change at a time, master the art of making that one a habit/routine and then move on to the next goal. It’s too much for me to trudge along through the day making all the right food choices, meeting my workout goals and denying time spent with friends at a happy hour for drinks all in one day. The next day I’d surely be craving a day of laziness and bingeing!
 
9.) I always make time for laziness. Life is all about balance. Relaxation feels that much better when you’ve earned it.
 
That evening when my friend and I were discussing willpower, I had this Eureka moment. It’s not that I have more willpower than my friend. I think I actually have less! Unlike my friend, I am so incredibly tempted by Oreo cookies that I cannot even keep them in my house! I know that I would eat an entire sleeve of them if left to my own devices. I have so little willpower that I have to constantly think ahead to ensure that I don’t put myself in situations that will require me to rely on my own pathetic willpower. And this, I’ve learned, is the greatest trick in the book.
 
How do you manage your temptations? I’m always eager to learn more about willpower and how others manage it. Please feel free to leave a comment below!

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