The One Thing Preventing You From Meeting Your Health Goals...and What to Do About it

​Imagine for a second that you are on a diet. You put yourself on this diet. You decided it was time to eliminate sugar. You decided to eat mostly whole foods from now on. You pumped yourself up and you feel confident you can do this.
 
Now imagine for a second that your very kind, thoughtful friend laid out the exact same diet plan for you. She was looking out for you and did a lot of research about this. She told you that you must eliminate sugar and start eating only whole foods. Same exact plan…
 
But for some reason, this time it feels different. You feel less confident and perhaps even a bit rebellious. Suddenly you aren’t sure you really want to quit sugar and you are already plotting ways to sneak the sugar in around your friend’s carefully devised plan.
 
If both diets are exactly the same and let’s say in both cases you were equally ready to make a change, then why is one scenario so much harder to stick with than the other?
 
"You’re not the boss of me!"
In psychology, there is a term called reactance that might just help explain what’s going on here. Essentially, nobody likes being told what to do. Tell a child not to do something and suddenly they feel an irresistible urge to do just that very thing.
 
I remember as a kid I loved sweeping the floors for some odd reason. I guess I just found it relaxing. That is, up until it became one of my required chores. Seemingly overnight, a task that I once found pleasurable suddenly became, well, a chore. Once someone told me to do it, it was no longer fun and that’s when I began trying to find ways out of doing it.
 
Well I’ve got news for you, my friend. When it comes to making a change in your life, your inner child remains strong and very much alive (and every bit as stubborn!).
 
Digging our heels in
We react negatively any time we feel that our autonomy is being threatened. Even if, in theory, we agree with the change that is being imposed on us with good intentions. We still feel the need to exercise our free will. It’s just a knee-jerk reaction, a reflex if you will. It’s the reason that no amount of nagging in the world will get your partner to quit smoking. It’s the reason that no amount of encouragement will get your loved one off the couch. And it’s the reason you don’t want to hear from anyone else that you need to lose weight. Heck, it’s the reason you don’t even want to hear from yourself that you need to lose weight!

What to do
Surely you don’t want to just cave in and make people feel like they’ve won control over you, right?
 
So how do you heed the advice of well-meaning people in your life, or even yourself, when you logically know that the advice is worth heeding? How can these reactance defenses be penetrated, while still allowing you to feel in control?
 
10 Helpful Tips to Deal with Reactance

• First off, don’t isolate yourself from your support system. If their intentions are good, keep them around. A support system is great when they are playing a supportive role. You can still bring them along for the ride, as passengers of course. But you can remain in the driver’s seat of your own life.

 

• Change your self-talk and your vocabulary. Stop saying “you should” or “you need to” or “you must”. Give yourself permission to change course any time you wish, if you wish and only when you wish. Exercise discipline, of course. But tell yourself that no one is forcing you to do anything and that you really do see the value in your actions.

 

• Challenge yourself. Play a little game. Try using reverse psychology. Tell yourself not to do what you are trying to do. Then watch reactance play out in reverse, in your favor! “Don’t eat that salad!” or “Stop working out so much, and go and watch Netflix instead!”

 

• Focus on the gains of making a change. Instead of asking yourself what you will lose if you do x, y, z, ask yourself how will this make your life better?

 

• Don’t overschedule yourself. When you plan out the day and it comes time to act, you might feel again that someone else is telling you what to do, even if that someone else was you when you made the schedule! An overly restrictive schedule feels suffocating and is the opposite of having free will. Build enough time in for your healthy change so it does not make you feel frenzied or rushed.

 

• When building time in for your healthy change, make sure to remind yourself that you are choosing to do this and then remind yourself of exactly why you want this. Your why must be clear and it cannot be someone else’s why for you.

 

• Reframe your perspective. Tell yourself that you “get to” rather than you “have to”. Having to do something feels like a chore. Getting to do something feels like freedom.

 

• Give yourself plenty of choices. If you are dieting, do not focus on removing junk foods. Instead, focus on adding healthy foods. Create a sense of abundance. With abundance comes choices and with choices comes control. The same applies to exercise. Become familiar with a number of different exercises and each day you will choose which ones to do.

 

• Stop viewing actions (or foods) as being “good” or “bad”. Instead, view them as being either healthy or unhealthy. This removes the moral attachment. It removes the guilt and the reflex to rebel. This allows you make choices based on what’s best for you.

 

• Go easy on yourself and others. We are all human. We are all trying to do the best we can. Remove some of the pressure that society puts on us to be healthy, happy, successful, productive, etc. You will see that once some of the pressure is lifted, you might just naturally do what feels right for you.

 
Final Words
In order to make change work, no one should feel the burden of your health issues more than you. This is true in the world of addiction but also when it comes to your overall health. If someone else cares about your health more than you do, then your change simply won’t last. The will and desire to make and stick with change must come from within. Make changes in a way that feels non-restrictive. Exercise your own free will along the way.
 
And thank that friend who meant well and laid out those diet plans for you. But don't worry... she will never be the boss of you!

Need some help making a change? Reserve your copy of our Healthy Habits Workbooks, to make changes at your pace.