7 negative health effects of loneliness and 11 things you can do to prevent it

When you reflect on your childhood, how much easier do you think it was to make friends back then versus now, as an adult? Another kid wanted to play the same game as you at the playground. Just like that a friend was made. Your classroom seating assignment was changed. Suddenly you found yourself sitting next to your new best friend.

But somewhere along the way adulthood just went and complicated everything...
 
If being a nurse has taught me anything, it’s that there are a heck of a lot of lonely people out there. With regard to my patients, I wondered, do people get lonely because they’re sick and maybe therefore more isolated? Or do people who are lonely and isolated just happen to get sick more? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Whichever it is, loneliness is quickly becoming a pubic health crisis that we simply cannot ignore any longer...

Prevalence
Researchers have found that at any given moment, about 32% of people over the age of 55 suffer from loneliness. This means that about 1 in every 3 people in this age group is lonely at times. Chances are you know someone who’s lonely right now. Actually, chances are you know multiple lonely people right now. For those over 65 years of age, the prevalence continues to increase. Approximately 40% of Americans over age 65 report experiencing loneliness.  That means that almost half of older adults feel lonely.
 
Think younger adults are better off? Think again. Over 70% of young adults report feeling lonely sometimes or always. The long-term impact that loneliness can have on our minds and bodies is significant. 
 
We know that it isn’t pleasant to feel lonely. But why exactly is it so unhealthy to be lonely?
 
But first, why are we so lonely?
Simply being in the company of others is not an antidote to loneliness. Have you ever found yourself in a room full of people that you just couldn’t relate to? How did it make you feel? Conversely, being alone does not in itself cause loneliness. Solitude is not loneliness. Loneliness happens when we feel the consequences of not being closely connected to others. We can have 100 superficial friends and can still feel lonely. Or we can have 3 ultra close friends yet never feel lonely. 
 
Loneliness also happens when we lack purpose. It can happen when we feel like we lack relevance in the world. There are people who are retired who have a strong sense of purpose. Then there are people who work 40+ hours a week and feel no sense of purpose. It just depends on how impactful and contributory you view yourself to be.
 
Many of us are also lonely when we rely on others to make us feel whole, to make us feel complete and secure. We rely on others to show us the self-love that we should first be showing ourselves. Unsurprisingly, when we go and seek that love and acceptance externally, we sometimes return empty-handed. Loneliness kicks in once again.
 
How does loneliness affect our health?
Loneliness can have a significant impact on a person’s well-being and overall health. Loneliness has been shown to have many adverse effects. Some studies estimate that loneliness can be as bad for our health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day! Other negative effects of loneliness may include:

• High blood pressure and cardiac disease
  
• Obesity
• Cognitive decline
• Inflammation
  
• Weakened immune system
• Anxiety and depression
• Low motivation to engage in healthy behaviors

 
Human beings are social creatures by nature. We thrive in environments where we’re able to form deep and meaningful bonds with others. We strive to form rich social bonds. We seek a sense of belonging. Older adults are particularly vulnerable to the effects of loneliness because as we age there may be fewer organic opportunities to socialize. But the good new is that we can consciously organize our lives in a way that fosters rich connections with other people.
 
These are some of the most common risk factors that lead to loneliness:

• Living alone
  
• Geographical isolation from loved ones
  
• Break up of family structure (divorce/separation/death)
• Depression
• Illness and/or cognitive impairment
• Retirement
• Loss of mobility and/or lack of transportation

 What we can do
People who have strong social bonds have built-in support systems that help get them through life’s inevitable challenges. Social interaction also serves as a source of purpose and meaning. It provides an opportunity to help and to be helped, something that has been shown to positively impact levels of happiness. When you spend time with the right company, your mood is improved and those feel-good bonding hormones are released. There's a reason that laughter is said to be the best medicine!
 
Essentially, take all of the negative effects of loneliness and flip ‘em around. Those are the health benefits of being engaged with others.
 
Given all the benefits of social connection, what can we actually do to decrease loneliness?

• Engage regularly with others

The amount of social interaction that each of us need depends highly on our individual preferences and temperaments. Introverts may require less social interaction, extroverts maybe more. We all fall somewhere on this spectrum. But all of us require at least some quality social interaction regularly. It’s important to find the right balance to meet your unique needs. We’re lucky to live in a time with so many options to connect, whether it be in-person, over the telephone, through messages or via video chat.

• Spend time with friends and family

So often we feel like we’re just running around like chickens with our heads chopped off, just spinning our wheels away in the rat race. Before we know it, life has completely passed us by. We’re all replaceable at work but none of us are replaceable at home. Family can be whatever you make it to be. Whoever you consider to be a part of your family, just make sure to spend enough time with those you love most. Don’t brush them off assuming they’ll always be there waiting. It’s those deep connections that help stave off loneliness.

• Stop spending money on things; Instead, start spending money (and time) on rich experiences
  

This one is a biggie to me. I’m fortunate to have learned the value of experience over material possessions early on in my life. My time with older adults as a nurse has only further reinforced this notion. Memories are all we have left in the end. Make rich memories because no one can ever take those away.

• Be a good friend

To have good friends you need to be a good friend. Be curious about other people’s lives. Be helpful. Be supportive. Be there for them. Don’t do it with any expectations or hidden motives. Do it because you are simply fulfilling your natural human tendency to connect.

• Read great books

I’m not saying to become an ostrich and hide from all your problems. But it’s healthy to escape to an alternate reality once in a while. To escape to a place that allows your imagination to run wild. Reading gets you out of your head for a bit and can distract you from discomfort. Find the genre that you love, curl up with a warm beverage and let the words of a good book transport you to somewhere far, far away. Let a good book alter your perspective on the world. Connect with and feel the characters.

• Practice self-care & self-compassion daily

We often feel guilty for “wasting” time spent pampering ourselves. It’s time to get rid of that mindset entirely. Time spent caring for yourself is an investment. You can’t help others until you’ve cared for yourself. Realize and truly understand that you are worthy of good things. You are whole and complete without relying on external validation. Learn to love yourself and learn how to be content with your own company.

• Help others/volunteer

How do you feel after you know you’ve helped someone? If you’re like most people, helping and giving is not a completely selfless act. Surely we have good intentions when we help others. But the truth is we also benefit greatly. It makes us feel good. It makes us feel like our actions matter and that we are capable of making a difference. Being helpful is truly a win-win for all involved parties.

• Limit time spent on social media

FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is a real thing. You see others going out, having fun and doing awesome things while you’re stuck alone inside. Few people are brave enough to post about the times they feel lonely or the times they’re sitting inside alone and bored. They are highlighting their lives for you, sharing only tiny snapshots. You catch only a glimpse of their bigger picture. This can be awfully misleading and can make you feel like you’re the only one not living it up all the time. It’s a natural reaction but be aware of this illusion. Limit your exposure.

• Be mindful of self-talk

Negative self-talk can get you stuck in a downward spiral of loneliness and despair. Be mindful of it and catch yourself when you begin to notice it. You are not lonely because no one likes you or because you’re a worthless outcast.  Your circumstances made you lonely and those can almost always be changed.

• Find things to be curious about/learn new things

We can’t rely on others to entertain us all the time, during every waking hour. It’s important to occupy ourselves during those times when loneliness may rear its ugly head. It’s hard to feel lonely when you’re so busy being “in the zone”. When you are immersed and deeply engaged in something, little else is on your mind. The hours fly by and you feel alive.

• Don’t be ashamed to ask for help

Loneliness and depression are two different things but each can cause the other. Ask for help when you feel like you can’t do it on your own. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out for help.
 
Where to meet people:

• Meet-up groups (Meetup.com connects like-minded people)
• Book clubs
• Volunteer work
• Your job
• Senior centers
• Faith-based communities
• Your neighborhood

You can also reach out to old friends again. Or get a dog...they are GREAT conversation starters (of course, don't get a dog just for this reason!).

Summary
You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t experience some loneliness once in a while. But it isn’t healthy to feel lonely all the time. As is the case with all of our emotions, the sensation of feeling lonely is simply a mechanism that your brain uses to inform you that something is amiss. You’re lacking something very important in your life. In order to feel better, action must be taken. Always heed the messages that your brain is sending to you. 
 
Combat loneliness as if your life depends on it, because it actually does. We’ve learned here the effects that loneliness can have on our overall health. Health problems can lead to further isolation, causing a downward spiral. Do what you can today and your future self will thank you for it! Because you deserve it.
 
What is your experience with loneliness? What do you do that helps? I’d love to hear new ideas/suggestions so please leave a comment below!