10 highly effective ways to finally get rid of food shame & guilt

Every week my best friend and I partake in something that we affectionately call, “porch night”, even though there’s no porch involved whatsoever. It’s an evening when we catch up on the latest and greatest. It’s a time to recover from the previous week’s stressors. More often than not it also ends up being a time to reminisce fondly on our 20’s. And there’s always food involved. While it’s not necessarily “junk” food, I wouldn’t exactly describe it as an assortment of health food either. Because of this, guilt inevitably follows most porch nights for me. This is quite unfortunate because it really takes away from an otherwise great time. But where does this guilt and shame come from?

When did food start making us feel guilty?

As a kid growing up, I can’t recall a time when either of my parents shamed me for eating the “wrong” foods. Yes, they encouraged us to eat our fruits and vegetables. But we still had relatively easy access to junk foods. I don’t necessarily remember these foods being labeled as “bad”. In fact to the contrary, these foods were usually used as rewards or shared special occasions. Naturally, we associated “junk” foods with positive memories.
 
So I’m wondering, at what point did food become associated with guilt and shame? At what point did “closet eating” become a thing? When did the act of eating become something we that we sometimes hide from our loved ones? When exactly did we all decide that there are “good” foods and “bad” foods? During our high school health class? That single nutrition course that we took in college? Surely it would’ve taken more than that for these indoctrinated beliefs to take such a strong hold.
 
The one vice we can’t quit

Nonetheless, somewhere along the way, an action we’re forced to perform several times a day, every single day, has developed a complex. Whereas at one point food may have simply been viewed as a source of nutrition, a complicated relationship developed along the way. 

Unlike other vices, eating food is not something we can simply quit altogether. We must face this vice and all the stress surrounding it multiple times per day. We have to constantly measure whether something is “good” or “bad”. Depending on what we eat, we end up with either pride for making the “right” choice or shame for making the “wrong” one. What’s worse is we develop fear and anxiety over feeling guilty…what an exhausting mess!
 
The shame of being what you eat

You eat junk, you feel like junk and then you believe that you are junk. Not great for the self-esteem right? Anyone who’s trying to make healthy changes or live a healthy life probably already knows that guilt and shame have no place in the game.

Guilt decreases the confidence that is needed to sustain meaningful change. It makes us feel so bad that we may not even consider utilizing our healthier coping skills. It makes us stress eat, leading to a vicious cycle. Guilt leads to overindulgence and overindulgence leads to more guilt!

Okay… so what can we do?
The “bad” foods don’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon. Neither are the labels of “good” and “bad”, as people are becoming increasingly interested in healthy living. But the good news is there are some ways that we can better navigate this complex relationship that we have with food.
 
10 effective ways to get rid of food guilt:

• Get rid of all-or-nothing thinking

Go easier on yourself. Striving for perfection prevents change. No one is perfect. No one is a better person than you because they avoid sugar. You are not a failure as a person because of your food choices. Your worth is not tied to your food choices and food choices don’t define you. None of us have superhuman willpower. So stop trying to be so rigid. Too much rigidity causes the pendulum to swing the other way, leaving us back at square one.  

• Change your perspective

Rather than labeling foods as “good” or “bad”, focus on how the food is making your body feel physically, after consuming it. Tired? Sluggish? Foggy-headed? Bloated? Nauseous? Notice that none of these sensations have moral attributions. This can help you more objectively determine if a food is worth your while again in the future.

• Label the label, not the food

When you think about it, just saying a food is “bad” doesn’t say much, other than making us feel bad for consuming it. Instead, label whether the food is nutritious or not. Does it provide the nutrients that will make you feel vibrant? Or is it totally devoid of those things you are seeking for a healthier life? Use this type of thinking to make food decisions rather than relying on moral judgments. Then when you’ve identified the foods that are not “good” but nutritious, fill yourself up on those to crowd out and leave less room for those less nutritious (“bad”) foods.

• Understand that your brain has a mind of its own

Of course our brains are going to light up when they see exaggerated versions of the types of foods we instinctively sought in nature. Our brains are just doing their thing to keep us alive. It’s not your fault marketers have taken advantage of our brains’ natural desires with their Frankenfoods. We naturally crave sugary, salty, fatty foods. Those were the foods that kept our ancestors alive. Our pleasure centers have been hijacked! And it isn’t your fault.
 
Our brains also don’t like to be told, “No” or to be deprived. We all know the more you try to not think about something, the more you end up thinking of that very thing! Strict restriction methods paired with guilt and shame ensure that you will be drawn to the very foods your brain has labeled as “bad”.
 

• Learn to listen to you hunger and satiety cues

Honor the signals that your body is sending you. Practicing intuitive eating means quite literally, listening to your gut. Try to recognize the difference between wanting to eat and needing to eat. Nature has provided us with an obvious sign that it’s time to eat. I’m talking about that all too familiar grumbling that always seems to happen at the least opportune times.

Then when you do eat, slow down. A subtle sign you may be getting full is if you find yourself sighing during your meal. Pay close attention to this barely perceptible signal. Learn to put the fork down the moment the food begins to taste less satisfying. Note when your stomach begins to feel full. Remember that despite what we were taught as children, there’s also no shame in not finishing your plate.

• Use non-food coping skills

No doubt “junk” food can temporarily relieve stress and make us feel better. If it didn’t have such a strong, immediate (yet short-lived) positive effect on our moods then this post probably wouldn’t need to be written. But we don’t want our coping skills to lead to more stress down the road. Learn to rely on other coping skills that can provide similar relief (i.e. getting a massage, reading a good book, taking a bubble bath, connecting with a loved one, snuggling with your pet, going for a walk in nature, listening to music, etc.).

• Stop using food and exercise as punishments and rewards

You can’t get rid of food guilt if you continue to use food as a reward. With this mentality, you’re still labeling food as “good” and “bad”. And just as food isn’t a reward, exercise shouldn’t be a punishment for eating “bad” foods. Instead, view exercise as a celebration of what your body can do and view food as nourishment for the body.

• Stop apologizing

Okay…so you’ve done it again. You had a plan to “be good” but ended up devouring an entire sleeve of Oreos. Nothing can be done about it now. Tomorrow is a new day. Plan ahead. How can you prevent that from happening again in the future? What triggered this behavior? What mood were you in? Were you feeling emotional? Bored? What could you have done differently to meet your emotional needs? How did your body feel after you ate that many Oreos?

Remind yourself that this action wasn’t aligned with your health goal. Find ways to remove that temptation from your environment in the future. Remind yourself of your motivation to proceed. And then move on.

• Get rid of the word, “should”

This word implicitly assigns moral judgment to a behavior. It’s a form of external pressure placed on you. Instead, listen to your gut to make decisions, rather than on what you think you should do. Are you hungry? Perhaps it’s time to eat. Do you crave a particular food? Perhaps it would be a good idea to seek it out. No “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts”.

• Accept that it isn’t your fault that you got sick

Yes, there are modifiable risk factors associated with “lifestyle diseases”. But no one in his or her right mind makes the conscientious decision to get sick. Each day you’re doing the best that you can, given your current circumstances on that day. So get rid of the guilt and regret. Had you known how to implement a better way at that time then you probably would have done it. Had you known how to better handle temptations then maybe things would’ve been different.

Besides, there are also plenty of non-modifiable risk factors at play (age, heredity, ethnicity, environment). These too could have predisposed you to illness, which you had no control over. It’s not just about what you ate. And remember…the very act of being alive is carcinogenic! Cancer can affect all animals. Where there’s cell division, there’s a risk for cancer.
 
 
Seek help
Sometimes in our quest to be healthy, things can get a bit out of hand. There’s so much pressure on us to eat a certain way and sometimes the pressure from within is even stronger. This is why it’s important to seek help if you think you may be experiencing disordered eating.  You don’t have to do it alone. Our relationship with food doesn’t have to be such a struggle. Life is simply too short to not enjoy one of life’s greatest pleasures.