An Inspiring Story of Hope & 10 Lessons I've learned From My Patients About Living Gracefully

Wellness has many dimensions. Physical wellness is only one piece of the puzzle. When we talk about being healthy we tend to focus mainly on eating right and exercising. But being healthy is about so much more. It’s also about having the right mindset. It’s about having a healthy perspective to cope with life. I am a strong believer in the mind-body connection. Through my patients, I have witnessed the true power and potential of the human mind on the state of being. The following story demonstrates the power of hope and resilience in the face of considerable struggle.
 
Meet “Tina”
Some of the happiest and most optimistic people that I’ve met during my nursing career have often been those actively enduring what would be considered by most to be highly unfortunate circumstances.  I remember one such example quite vividly. We’ll call her “Tina”.  Tina was my patient on a medical floor. She was only in her 40’s and was in the midst of battling an aggressive form of cancer. She was undergoing intensive treatment and her prognosis was poor.
 
The struggle
Even the simplest of tasks were difficult for Tina. Just standing up to get to her bedside commode was agonizing for her.  She would regularly break down in tears of frustration during transfers. Helping to steady her, we’d both end up standing there together, waiting for her legs to finally cooperate; she was crying while I was desperately trying to hold back tears of my own. I had compassion but I dared not show pity. I figured in those moments what Tina needed most from me was strength. I didn’t realize it at the time but my inner strength paled in comparison to hers.
 
Not what I expected
On paper, there was a stark disparity between her diagnosis and what you saw when you walked into Tina’s room. What really struck me about Tina was her overwhelming optimism despite her remarkably grave situation. She didn’t give up hope. She exuded positivity and warmth towards all those who visited her bedside. She rarely complained, though from an outsider’s perspective, she might have plenty to complain about. Instead she pushed through her tears when her body was giving up. She was proud of herself for even the smallest of accomplishments. 
 
The simple things
Tina mastered the art of living in the present moment. She thoroughly enjoyed simple pleasures like being treated to an extra cup of applesauce on her tray; or seeing a ray of sunlight shine through her window first thing in the morning. She was grateful for whatever was going well in the moment. I would never have stopped to smell the proverbial roses during my usual nursing frenzy had she not pointed out the beauty of these seemingly small things all around us.
 
From her hospital bed, Tina sang, read and laughed wholeheartedly with her visitors. After the initial tears, Tina regularly used humor to get herself through those grueling transfers. Tina was kind, warm, funny, optimistic, thankful and filled with hope.
 
At the time, I thought Tina was the way she was despite her diagnosis. Now I wonder if maybe she was the way she was because of her diagnosis. I’ll never know what came of Tina because she was discharged and I never saw her again. But I do know that what she taught me will forever remain in my memory.
 
Nursing Lessons
I consider myself quite fortunate to be a nurse. I know that I have been exposed to things that the average person could never imagine. Don’t get me wrong. The tough moments definitely outnumber the easy ones. The long hours on your feet, having to witness suffering on a daily basis, being a human punching bag for people when they’re feeling their worst, dealing with insane workloads and grumpy, overworked doctors…the list goes on. Despite all this, the lessons I’ve learned about life during my stint as a bedside nurse have proven invaluable. I wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. And I think it would be a disservice for me to not share what I have learned from my patients.

1.) Don’t sweat the little things
When you lose your health, you wonder why you used to worry so much about relatively trivial matters. Perspectives shift over time as “real” problems begin to emerge. Reflecting back, we realize how much time was wasted fretting. Knowing this, we can decide to not make the same mistake with our present moment.

2.) Don’t harbor resentment or hold regrets
Each life event is a building block and a foundation for the events to come after. It’s like the game Jenga. Each move triggers the next. If you remove one piece then none of the good (or the bad) would have come after. You just cannot remove one piece without affecting all the subsequent events. So stop regretting your past actions and focus on what you can control.

3.) “This too shall pass”
Regardless of how good or bad your current situation is it’s not permanent. Nothing lasts forever, good or bad. Learn how to ride the waves instead of letting them crash down on you. Resistance only makes the ride tougher. Experience each moment as it is. Feel the emotions but don’t let situations define you. Every moment in time and its corresponding emotions are fleeting. Life becomes smoother with this realization.
 
4.) Hope for the best but expect the worst
When we have expectations of how things “should” be, we automatically set ourselves up for disappointment. We’d probably all agree that a young person “should not” get cancer. Or that a person who tries their best to be healthy “should not” get diabetes. But life happens anyway. So take control of what you can, accept what you can’t control and drop the unrealistic expectations. Keep hope alive but understand that life will not always unravel the way we think it “should”.
 
 5.) Surround yourself with positive energy
You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Or so they say. I don’t know about you but if this is true, I want to be around positive people. Sometimes we don’t even have a desire to be around people during times we’re not feeling great. But these are actually the most important times to seek out good company. Try to surround yourself with optimistic people and you’ll soon see their effects rubbing off on you.
 
6.) Make time for spirituality and for connection with nature
Being in nature or even looking at pictures of nature can help reduce pain, fear, anger and anxiety. It can also ease tension and promote a sense of calm and inner peace. For me personally, nature is a source of spirituality. Whatever your source of spirituality is, it’s important to give it a central role in your life when times get tough.
 
7.) Make the most of your current circumstances
Like Tina, we can always find something that is going right in our lives. The present is all we’ve got. The past is gone and the future isn’t guaranteed to anyone. It’s easy to see what’s going wrong. But with mindfulness, we can still find things we can be grateful for. What’s better, practicing gratitude may even improve your psychological health and physical health.
 
8.) Stay strong and carry on…but ask for help when you need it
If you take away one thing from this post, let it be this: It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Sure, sometimes we want to be strong to spare others from seeing us suffer. But most people at their core find joy in helping others. Allow them this blessing to help you when you need it. Displaying vulnerabilities with each other helps us build stronger bonds. Don’t try to manage life by yourself. Be brave when you choose to be but know that it is always okay to ask for help when you get in over your head.
 
9.) Find humor and realize it’s okay to laugh
I was always that student that would get in trouble for laughing at the most inopportune times. I even got detention once because I couldn’t stop laughing when my friend accidentally electrocuted herself after getting her pencil stuck in an electrical outlet (FYI she didn’t get hurt, just in case you’re thinking I’m a heartless monster).

In the midst of some of her toughest moments, Tina also found small things to laugh about throughout her day. In between sob fests, my brothers and I laughed intermittently as we reminisced while at our grandmother’s deathbed. Laughing does a body good. It can decrease stress hormones, relieve tension and it may even strengthen the immune system.
 
10.) Make time for what matters most
No matter how hectic life can be, a life without passion isn’t worth living. Make time for the people and experiences that bring you pleasure, big or small. Make time to reflect on the things that have lit you up in the past. And make plans for more opportunities to discover what may strike your fancy in the future. Be an active participant in this beautiful world around us.
 
The takeaway
I learned the most while I was in direct daily contact with my patients while doing bedside nursing. Those days have long since passed after I assumed a position in management in a different setting. But I remain blessed. I still get to bear witness to the strength of humanity on a regular basis. I see how people persevere despite being dealt a bad hand. I see optimism during times of adversity. I see people helping and inspiring each other.  I am constantly being reminded of what is actually important in this life.

Let's use these lessons to enhance our mental and emotional wellness, in addition to doing those things we do to enhance our physical wellness. At the end of the day, it's all connected anyway. 
 
In honor of Tina’s struggle, let’s take a few minutes today to express gratitude for everything that is going right at this moment in our lives. You may be dealing with your own health struggles or other adversities. Can any of these patients’ lessons help you right now? What lessons have you learned along the way? I’d love to hear from you!